Saturday, October 11, 2008


Let me be the first to say that I am so glad that hockey is back! Even though I am incredibly jaded and cynical I am always excited when October rolls around. Thanks to the Sonic Trout Death Bear family, more specifically Trout Dog, I was able to attend the opening night festivities against the Boston B's.
Now I could sit here and complain about how pathetic the Avalanche looked but then I would just elicit a whole bunch of "I told you so's" from Mr. Dog regarding the whole Theodore vs. Budaj debate we had at the end of the Stanley Cup Playoffs last year. Instead, I'm choosing to write about the stuff I've observed while attending sporting events. Are people really this stupid or am I an asshole?
  1. Why, oh why, must Avalanche fans chant "Red Wings Suck!" when the Avalanche aren't playing against them? I'm going to admit that I think that performing this chant is stupid anyways. This is kind of like me going to the Great American Beer Festival, hoisting a few, then shouting "Merlot sucks, Merlot sucks, Merlot sucks!"
  2. There is at least one in every section at Invesco Field at Mile High Stadium (There. I've done it. I've finally called it by it's paid given name.) At every Broncos game there is always some dumbass who stands up and looks back at the rest of the section in disgust for not cheering enough and then motions for everyone to stand up and make more noise. To these people I say: The Bronco Organization is not going to hire you in any official capacity so shut the fuck up!
  3. I don't know what it is about soccer but without a doubt the best looking women I have ever seen at a sporting event was at a Rapids game. I think that Kronke should market this. It would definitely bolster attendance and it ALMOST made the game tolerable.
  4. Why must everyone boo every offsides call at Avalanche games? They were offsides. It happens. Get over it.
  5. The Broncos have officially named the fifth level at Invesco Field "Thunder, Colorado" The rest of you bitches have to sit in Denver, Colorado but my seats are in Thunder, Colorado. I know you bastards are jealous now. I'm going to run for the mayor of Thunder and my first official act will be to lower food and beer prices.
  6. Somebody please explain to me the Rockies philosophy on team building. I'm going to say this for the last time. We need a Japanese player. What do the Dodgers, Red Sox, Rays and Phillies all have in common? That's right, a Japanese guy. If it helps I'll sit in the dugout until one can be found.
  7. The only acceptable John Denver song (if any) that should be played at sporting events here is "Rocky Mountain High". Please stop playing "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" at once.
  8. Is poker really a sport? Why does ESPN devote so much time towards it? This is embarrassing how pathetic my life has become that I'm rooting for poker players now.
  9. Why can't beer be considered health food? It has water, grains and barley. Sounds like a liquid version of oatmeal to me.
  10. I think that I can safely say that there is not one player on the Nuggets roster that I actually like. Thank god for hockey!
You can say I'm an asshole if you want. It's my wife's pet name for me.


Sonic Tooth said...

Holy shit. the vitriol is funny! it's funny!!

seriously I agree on just about every point you bring up. except for that "hot chicks at soccer games" one, i've never been to one of those things....

TroutDog said...

Bravo, Purple Floss. I agree with everything you said so say, except for the firing of Mike Gallego. That guy needs to stay!